WHEREAS 180 days have elapsed since the conclusion of our most recent pregnancy, and
WHEREAS the final 10 pounds (known variously as 4.5 kilos, 9.57 minas, or 0.15 talents) accrued during that pregnancy have most rebelliously, incorrigibly, and unlawfully declined to remove themselves from our sovereign borders, and
WHEREAS our preferred royal shorts can only be zipped in a supine position, and
WHEREAS this state of affairs is most unbecoming to our royal dignity, and
WHEREAS in four short weeks we shall celebrate the commencement of our quadragesimal year, and we are earnestly desirous not to cross the bounds of that year in our present steatopygian state, and
WHEREAS our previous desultory attempts to evict these unlawful trespassers have proved unavailing,
BE IT KNOWN that we hereby declare war on those accursed ten pounds.
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