Have you noticed that my kid posts have been skewed toward the younger ones lately? I'm not sure if it's a violation of a boy's privacy to say that he feels my blogging about him is potentially a violation of his privacy. How about if I just whisper it?
If a person had been struggling lately with one of her sons, she might want to blog about it. She might want to post that he's having a hard time keeping a grip on his emotions and behavior. Perhaps this person would decide to relax her expectations a little, and to work harder on staying calm because adding an adult tizzy to a kid tizzy creates exponentially more problems in sorting out a difficult situation. Aaaand perhaps she would still end up bellowing at him that hurting smaller children is, and forever will be, utterly unacceptable regardless of the provocation.
Oh, for Pete's sake, this third-person hypothetical stuff is unsustainable. I had a brainwave on my way to the library tonight, which is that I am going to have him keep a notebook. No gold stars, no punishments, just a record of dates and times and unkindnesses. I don't expect him to shower sunshine and roses on his brothers, and I understand that boys are going to scuffle. But I want him to see, in black and white, how often his behavior is a problem. If he sets his own goals for reasonable standards of conduct (he suggested, "I won't hit more often than once every other day"), and keeps his own record of progress or lack thereof, maybe it will help. Maybe.
He's open to the idea. If it doesn't work, I'm going to start dosing him with fish oil. Low DHA levels are associated with low serotonin levels, and endogenous anandamide -- a cannabis-like substance -- is synthesized from arachidonic acid.
One of the therapy sessions I do each week is in a daycare center, with a sweet little not-quite 2yo who is in foster care. Her transition to the 2yo room is happening over the next several days, and I am a little sad about the whole thing. There's the whole messy set of birth-family issues, compounded by the fact that I just don't think (un-PC as this thought may be) that group daycare is great for toddlers. The one-year-old room is staffed with kind and hardworking women, but they are badly outnumbered by the kids. When I sit down with the little girl I see for therapy, they all want my attention.
Now this little girl is leaving the toddler room, where at least the faces and routine and toys are familiar, for the 2yo room. And I am really hoping the 2yo teacher had PMS today, because otherwise I will be really sad about this little girl's situation. It's hard to deal with 12 2-yo boys. I know that -- some days I don't deal well with one not-quite-2yo boy. But dang, if you tell them they can't play with any of the toys, and if you give them lengthy time-outs for normal 2yo behavior, it makes me wonder what you expect, exactly.
And if you tell me that you're interrupting my therapy session because this little girl needs her diaper changed right away, and no it can't wait ten minutes for the end of our session, and then it transpires that you have put her at the end of the sizable diaper-changing line without telling the person in charge of diaper changes that she's supposed to be having speech therapy -- well, that makes me wonder what, exactly, you are thinking. I will be interested (<--this is me being diplomatic, and suppressing the inner voice that said, "don't waste my time like that, honey") to see what this teacher is like next week.
This facility has a sophisticated security system (they wouldn't let me in at first today because the woman at the front desk hadn't met me before and the foster mom hadn't said this morning that I'd be in), and the appropriate state licenses posted prominently, and toys and art supplies and the like in abundance. But I am thinking about that teacher playing her little power-trippy games with the 2yo boys (and trying to play them with me!), and I am still a little sad.
But I am heading to the bathtub, for a relaxing immersion in some hot water and the chapter on mixed-design ANOVA. If you were designing a childcare system, how would you do it?
Just a quick comment on dealing with your son:
There is always the dificulty of balancing Law and Gospel, even when dealing with our children. My husband and I discuss this often-- How do we go about motivating them with the Gospel rather than twisting their arms with the Law?
Posted by: Rosie_Kate | April 12, 2007 at 07:19 AM
Can you explain that sentence about the fish oil again? I haven't taken a biology class since 9th grade, or chemistry since 11th, so I'm a bit lost. Are you trying to create the cannabis-like substance by supplementing with fish oil? If that's the case, I hear the Carlson's lemon-flavored cod liver oil is quite tasty....
Oh, and I already know what the best childcare system in the world is: GRANDMOTHERS. Not everyone can swing it, I know, but my grandmother cared for me and my brother, and my mother cares for my son, and I hope that someday I can care for my own grandchildren.
Posted by: Summer | April 12, 2007 at 08:13 AM
This part was Greek to me:
Low DHA levels are associated with low serotonin levels, and endogenous anandamide -- a cannabis-like substance -- is synthesized from arachidonic acid.
BUT. If fish oil would help my 15 year old behave better, I'm interested in him taking it with every meal and twice on Sunday.
I'm thinking I might keep my own notebook of his infractions, and show it to him.
The day care thing is soooooo hard. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this.
Posted by: carmen | April 12, 2007 at 08:14 AM
How would flax seed oil differ from fish oil? And what is the dosage recommendations per age/weight?
Posted by: Sarah | April 12, 2007 at 08:37 AM
can add to the questions? can you briefly tell me why you don't think it's a good idea for a toddler to be in a group daycare? (pc be damned!) i've always thought an infant needs to be w/ their mothers, but by age 2 or so a little more socialization is a good thing- getting them around other kids, etc. i'm asking b/c pnut is 21 months now and we are getting desperate for childcare- and i have been looking at one or two afternoons a week at a daycare/school (rolls eyes) for her. i'm trying to find the best solution to this issue, and was wondering what your info is on this.
thanks, and best with your oldest. these years are just as tough as the toddler ones, i think. my 13 yr old nephew is also having some issues with controlling all that juju barrelling around inside of him, also with two little brothers. he is a good kid that is about to go through the adolescent head-up-the-butt phase, and we are all bracing ourselves. hang in there.
Posted by: pnuts mama | April 12, 2007 at 01:00 PM
At first blush, the daycare you were in sounds like the daycare center my daughter went to. The caregivers in the infant room were Wonderful (capital W), due in part to the fact they were Grandmothers. (Yay, Grandmas!)
The toddler room was a disaster, always. Though I know now that my daughter was NEVER going to fit in with the toddler-room caregivers or the other kids there, I think every toddler there had one thing working against them: the space. Sure, it was understaffed in that room, too, but I think the toddler room needs to offer as much or nearly as much space as the 3yo room.
Two y.o.s are still into parallel play and they can be emotive and explosive. That's fine. But when you bind them up in a too-small room, expecting they'll only need a bit more space than they needed in the infant room, you're writing a recipe for really bad days.
I do have more to add, but I have an almost-3yo who declares she needs a snack. Now.
Posted by: amy | April 12, 2007 at 03:52 PM