WHEREAS 180 days have elapsed since the conclusion of our most recent pregnancy, and
WHEREAS the final 10 pounds (known variously as 4.5 kilos, 9.57 minas, or 0.15 talents) accrued during that pregnancy have most rebelliously, incorrigibly, and unlawfully declined to remove themselves from our sovereign borders, and
WHEREAS our preferred royal shorts can only be zipped in a supine position, and
WHEREAS this state of affairs is most unbecoming to our royal dignity, and
WHEREAS in four short weeks we shall celebrate the commencement of our quadragesimal year, and we are earnestly desirous not to cross the bounds of that year in our present steatopygian state, and
WHEREAS our previous desultory attempts to evict these unlawful trespassers have proved unavailing,
BE IT KNOWN that we hereby declare war on those accursed ten pounds.
What is your battle plan? I'm in a similar quadragesimal-approaching situation!
Posted by: Maria | June 22, 2009 at 07:35 AM
Oh! You should totally cut off one of your arms. You already do things one-armed anyway, so you'll hardly notice.
In what context did you originally encounter "steatopygian"?
Posted by: Rob | June 22, 2009 at 08:30 AM
So five servings of vegetables and a gallon of water a day aren't cutting it anymore?
Posted by: bearing | June 22, 2009 at 09:25 AM
You. Are. Brilliant. I don't even know what some of those words mean, so that means you're intelligent AND brilliant. Surely those qualities subtract about 12 pounds from your starting battle zone, no?
Posted by: Sarah @ This Heavenly Life | June 22, 2009 at 01:27 PM
Yes, but what if these are the nursing 10 lbs that sometimes beleaguer nursing mothers until after weaning? They might be good at keeping their heads down and just hanging on....
Best of luck!
--Amanda
Posted by: mandamum | June 22, 2009 at 06:03 PM
May the steatopygia soon transform itself to callipygia!
Posted by: Frances | June 23, 2009 at 07:30 AM
Thanks for the good wishes, everybody, and Sarah, thank you for the kind words. I tried telling my shorts that they should bow to the power of my superior vocabulary and zip already, but they lay there silently mocking me.
Maria: more on the battle plan soon.
bearing-Erin: would have worked better if I'd been more consistent.
Rob: high school, my friend Patrick.
Posted by: Jamie | June 23, 2009 at 10:10 AM